It amazes me how these shows get away with what they do...

A funny Simpsons moment...

Family Guy moment

Peter's first meeting of the National Association for the Advancement of Fat People (NAAFP)....

Hmmmmmmm.........

Bugs

Man, things really are bigger in Texas. Especially the bugs!
Look at this thing, it was between the window panes on my sliding door. And the worst part was that it was inside my apartment.

Most people that know me know that I HATE(!!!!) big bugs. But this was too big to just ignore and hope the cat will handle it. So I had to catch it in a bowl and let it loose outside.

Bleh, I still shiver thinking about it.

I saw on the news that tag is being banned on some school playgrounds. They say it's unsafe and causes self esteem problems with the weaker and slower children.....

What's that all about?

Nice People Bite

I came upon this today at the jobsite.

Kinda out of character for stuff you find in the shitters.

Underneath it says "and you Blow".....

I thought this was pretty funny... and true.

I public service announcement from the port-a-john



It's good to know someone cares...

Tinks Arm

I've shown some pretty nasty cuts and stuff on this blog, but none of them compares to Tinks arm!


EEEEEEWWWW!

I'm so jealous....

LOL, I've been looking at this for over a month and I just now got it.

I fired someone today.

What a strange, powerful, guilty feeling that creates.

I'm glad I did it, but at the same time, I feel pretty bad.

Oh well... Fuck 'em

I've taken a break from that horribly addictive World of Warcraft game to bring you this......

I have reached a new low....



No, you're eyes aren't decieving you. That is a World of Warcraft Box.

Out of extreme boredom, stemming from no cable, I've decided to join the ranks of the super cool MMORPG'ers (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game, for those that don't know).

God help us all!

Lazy Saturday

Today is a lazy Saturday. I can feel it already. Yesterday, I had a ton of things to do when I thought I was going to have to work today. But when I found out that I was off, I've mysteriously forgotten all of them.

So, what do I do?

I was gonna clean out my car before it got too hot out, but it seemed like too much work and I got distracted by an idea for a blog entry

I was gonna try and write a spiel on why the word "freedom" makes me cringe nowadays, but gave up when I couldn't figure out how to express what I was thinking. Then I got frustrated by this little error in my browser.

I was gonna look into why I'm getting all these little errors on my computer, but the thought of all that work made me put it off again. So I decided to play Runescape.

I was gonna play Runescape for awhile, but all these quests I got sent on required alot of walking and leveling up so I gave up on that. Then I got an idea about another blog entry.

And here I am...

Now that I've done this, maybe I can get somthing else done. I know, I'll go clean out my car before it gets too hot out!!

Pee &Poo

Sadly.....




This is a real toy.

And, along with the toy....


you can buy Pee & Poo keychains, t-shirts,underwear, socks, and tattoos (??!!)



You can also download Pee and Poo wallpapers and play Pee and Poo memory.


I don't even know where to start.............

This is more of a construction site joke.



"OSha Rrquires
All Turd's 6" or
Longer To be Lowered
by RoPe To Avoid
Chemical SPlash Back"

HA HA Take that OSHA!!! Oh, the hilarity!

Words of wisdom

seriously......

That's terrible..........

From Damn Interesing.com

Tin Foil Hats Proven Ineffective
Posted by Alan Bellows on November 10th, 2005 at 4:59 pm



A recent study at MIT produced alarming results which throw the security of every paranoid person's thoughts into question. It seems that the tin-foil hat– often the brain's only line of information defense– is ineffective for the task of blocking government-controlled radio frequencies. In fact, in some cases, these aluminum anti-intrusion devices actually amplify the radio waves.

Of course, this is all assuming the government isn't manipulating this, to destroy the our confidence in the protective powers of tin-foil…










Dammit, now I have to find something new!!!

Some more art

And some poetry


Black
is Beutiful
And Tan is
Grand But
wite is the color of the
Big Boss Man!

Some more, um... "art"

A horrible moment

I was taking lunch with some guys from work and somehow we started talking about soda. I told them that the high fructose corn syrup in there is what keeps you eating even though your full.

Then I had to stop myself because I was about to say "I saw it on Oprah".

And so it begins......

May 1st All mexicans
Do Not Show up to work
Let white people Do Our Jobs
Stay Home Fucking All Day

That's good to know

911

This is hilarious, but sadly, the lady was totally serious.

911 call

Ok, I'm getting tired of seeing those pictures everytime I look at my blog so...

I'm

going

to

write

like

this

and

hopefully

that

will

push

those

pictures

out

of

sight.

Did it work?

Port-a-johns are like barometers for the job site. If it's a smooth running job, the walls will be fairly clean. If there's alot of problems, then you get stuff like this.




Apparently someones' mad at the plumbers.




Some of these guys have too much fun.






But this is what really lets you know the job is running bad.








And... of course

Writing

Typical wetback/redneck writing you see in every bathroom.

The Good Stuff

So, I was working inside this twenty four story building yesterday and I ran into this.


You gotta love construction work, LOL.

Don't shoot the puppy

I only got to level 8 before I shot the damn thing.

Crazies

I practically crashed my car tryin' to get this pic.
The horizontal pole says " Jesus Christ" and the vertical pole says " The one true way". One sticker says "Repent of Sins" which kind of confuses me, the other sticker says something along the lines of "Turn to christ" or something like that. I didn't have much time to read because I was in the left lane passed him too quickly.

Seriously though, do these things ever effect anyone? I mean outside of "look at that nutjob!".

Goodbye cable.

Due to being recently screwed at the car repair shop (stay away from Car X, people!!), I'm running into financial difficulty. So in order to save money, I've finally decided to cancel my cable. I did it last saturday, and I'm just waiting for them to turn it off.

So.... I bid adieu to my cable TV.

Goodbye cable, although we met late in life, it's been a hell of a run.

Goodbye clear reception, it's time to dust off those old bunny ears that still have those two prong connections.

Goodbye Comedy Central with your two good shows and loads and loads of crap.

Goodbye MTV with your countless reality TV shows about celebrities that know and do absolutely nothing and make millions.

Goodbye VH1 with your non-stop parade of washed up celebrities that are trying to cash in on our nostalgia.

Goodbye Food Network with your chefs that do a little bit of chopping, some fancy frying, tell a little joke and BAM! Bring out a pre-made dish for everyone to ooh and aaah over.

Goodbye CNN, MSNBC, and FOX News, I'll miss your government controlled-totally biased news coverage.

Goodbye local access channels that prove that any idiot with a camera and a few hundred bucks can get on TV.

Goodbye spending hours flipping through channels and never actually watching anything. Effectively shortening my attention span to...


So my cat comes up and starts meowing at me and wouldn't stop. So I followed her around trying to figure out what she wanted until she finally stopped at the empty bag of Whiskas Temptations. What the hell are in those things? It's like crack for cats.

Some people.....

Pics

so... after wasting $30 on a cord that I thought would let me download pictures from my phone to my computer, I figured out that I could email them through my phone. So without further ado, I present my first picture from the port-a-john

Positive attitude

You know, you just have to take the good with the bad. It's not easy, but you can't let the little things get you down.

Like during lunch today, I got a $132 ticket for having an expired inspection sticker. But hey, I got off work two hours early...paid!


Sure, when I got home and took my boots off I stepped in a puddle of cat puke, but hey, at least my alky/crackhead neighbor moved out last week and it's peaceful around here.


Sure, my cars leaking coolant at a rate where I'm putting in a half-bottle a day, but hey, at least my tax return is coming on Friday.


Sure, I had to go fight with the leasing office because they sent me a letter saying that my rent was twenty dollars higher than what I signed my lease for and I owed late fees and I had to take my copy of the lease in and show it to them so they would finally let up, but hey... at least they had free cookies.

You see, it's all about positive attitude. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go buy a rifle and climb up a water tower.











* I was just kidding about the water tower thing.

Growing Up?

Could it be that I'm finally growing up?

The other day I came to the conclusion that I never play my Playstation 2 and Gamecube anymore. Now that I don't have all that extra money, shelling out $60 for a game that I'll get bored with in a few weeks just seems outrageous. Also, all these console games are more about better graphics and cool looking characters than making a good, long lasting game.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up all video games. I'll still play computer games like Civilization 4 and Rome: Total War. But I have a feeling it'll only be a matter of time before I get tired of all that too. Either that or my computer won't be able to play them anymore.

But it's not just video games. It's alot of things. Lately, it seems like I've been getting more serious about everything.

Take TV for instance. There isn't too much that interests me anymore. About this time last year, if you asked me what my favorite show was, I'd say "The Simpsons". Everyday from 5-7 was King of the Hill, The Simpsons, King of the Hill, and whatever sitcom was showing at the time. I also watched American Idol almost every week. Nowadays, I watch The Simpsons and I think to myself, "damn, this is stupid", the only show I look forward to is Frontline on PBS, and I've become one of those company boys I used to make fun of at work.

Maybe it's because I'm going to hit the big Three-Oh in a few months, or maybe it's because I'm not living that carefree lifestyle that I could afford a few years back. But whatever the reason is, all I can say is...

It's about damn time

Saturday

Good ol' Saturday morning. Gotta love them.

I got up early to go to the flea market so I could get some more work clothes, but I don't think I"m going to go. It's too damn cold out! So I went and got some tacos instead and will probably do nothing all day.

I did manage to call the cable company. I told them I wanted to cancel my cable and they offered to lower my bill by $30. That made me mad. I've been paying all this money for the past 2 years and they only lower it because I want to cancel. What a crock of shit!!

So you know what I told them?

"OK, that sounds good"

Take that you heartless media conglomerate!!

Neighbor Update

The neighbor is going on his last few days before he gets evicted. Thursday he sold his couches and china cabinet. He got $200 and is supposed to get another $300 at the end of the month. I asked him what he's going to do with the money and he said he's going to use it to buy food and move out.

But it looks like all that money is already gone.

Anyway, I ate too many tacos and I need to do something before I fall asleep here. I think I'm going to check out some other apartments and get my taxes done.

These Damn Polls

Good ol' Scribe sent me this in an e-mail. Apparently he doesn't remember that I HATE THESE THINGS!!!!! But I forgive him.... this time.



1: Holy name (wholly holy name, wholly holey holy name, etc: Dutchicus
2: Cabal, Organization, Society, Sect or Corporation to which you belong: The Mexicans
3: Date-of-Birth: May 22, 1976
4: Assumed Date-of-Demise: Wednesday, March 3, 2049
5: Sex (list frequency (in MHz)) : 1 Mhz
6: Height (above sea level): 5'11
7: Weight (just a moment) : 210
8: Hair Color: Black
9: Hair Length: short
10: Hair Width: 3 microns (I don't know, but it sounds good)
11: Left eye Color:Dark brown
12: Right eye Color: The same, I ain't no freak
13: Computer Type: Lurker
14: Astrological Sign: Gemini
15: Vibratory Frequency: He He... I'll pass on that one
16: Total Dollar Worth: Wouldn't you like to know??
17: Phylum, Genus, Species and Breed: Dutchess Lazyassus

I'm not tagging anyone else because I wouldn't want to be tagged myself.

Shit Happens

So I'm working off a scaffold today and while climbing down the side, I misjudge the distance from the rung I'm on and the ground and

RRRRRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP

Right up the front of my pants.

Needless to say, it was a long day.

Stuff

Woo Hoo, I finally got that $50 rebate from Cingular.

I remember there was a time when I scoffed at $50. That was at my old job, where I made more money than I knew what to do with. Well, actually I managed to waste most of it on booze and video games. But that's the old me. Now I'm all frugal and shit.

Anyway, it looks like this apartment complex is finally getting their shit together. The post office resumed the mail delivery, they hired a security guard for the complex and today they were handing out eviction notices.

The neighbor got one. I saw it on his door when I came home. I knocked on his door when I saw it was gone and he said he has four days to move out. I don't know if he's going to make it because he was all timid and non-talkative, so that means he's smoking that crack again.

It's kinda depressing to see all this. We've become really good friends since he's moved in and watching him go into this downward spiral is pretty hard.......

The Chill Room

That's what my place became last night around 2am when the alky neighbor came knocking on my door and window. Apparently he needed a place to calm down because he smoked too much crack and was flipping out. So for about 2 hours I had to listen to this girl he was smoking with talk about how he's not dying, checking his pulse, and talking him out of calling 911. Eventually we talked him into eating a little something and going to sleep. Apparently he hadn't slept or ate in two days.

I know I should have just said no and shut the door. But I could relate to what he was going through because of my days of dropping acid. Sometimes you just need a place that you're familiar with to relax and chill out. But this afternoon I bitched him out for banging on my windows at 2 am just to chill out.

He doesn't have a job anymore and hasn't paid his rent in 2 months so I'm sure he'll be out of here pretty soon.

Which One?

As I'm looking at my money situation, I realize that my bills are slightly higher than my income. Actually, it's been staring me in the face this whole time but now I have to actually face it because my savings account is gone and I'm living paycheck to paycheck.

My bills consist of rent/water, cell phone, electricity, one credit card and cable/internet. There's nothing I can do about the rent, electricity, credit card and phone. The only thing I can save on is the cable/internet.

So I have to make a choice. Cancel my basic cable or cancel my high speed internet.

Hmmmmmmm.... That's a toughie.

Moving Out

Things are really getting bad around here. We got new managers the other week and they're horrible. I think it's one of those low income mangement firms because they're not doing a thing to take care of this place and they're being really lenient with the rent.

Our mailboxes are all crammed into a little room that has no doors and is open to the street. So with all these FEMA checks coming in, they're all being broken into. It's so bad that when the mailman went to open one of the banks, it broke loose and fell on top of him. So now we have to go to the post office to get our mail.

I'm pretty pissed about this whole thing. But instead of letting it get to me, I'm going to use it as motivation to move out.

Last weekend one of my friends asked me to walk her to her sisters house down the street (cause it was late at night) and there were some pretty nice and quiet places just right up the road. So I think that's where I'm going to start looking.

My boss gave me my W-2's yesterday so I'm going to use that to break my lease and move out. Hopefully I'll have enough left over to fix my headlights so my car can pass it's inspection.

Tag

Great, I've been tagged.


Hi fellow bloggers. I have been tagged by my sister Tink. She's one of a kind. The Rules: "The first player of this game starts with the topic "five weird habits" of yourself and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals."

1. I hate these things

2. These past few weeks I have been completely engrossedwith PBS.

3. I love looking at handwriting.

4. When I drive, I tap my fingers and feet like a drum set.

5. I constantly bite my nails.

I'm not going to tag anyone else because, well, I don't want to. Hopefully I'm not cursed with bad luck or anything.

The Neighbors...

The neighbors are moving out from both apartments. The crazy family across the hallway and the alky. Hmmm... I never told you about the family across from me, did I?

That family consists of 5 people:

The Mother- who looks like she's about 105 years old and is way too protective of her teenage daughter

The Teenage Daughter- who I can always hear saying "fuck you" and "You're a fucking bitch" to her mother and everyone else.

The Pregnant Daughter- who's in her 20's, epileptic, and is turning into her mother

The Husband- who's also in his 20's and is pretty cool

And Their baby- who is in the The Mothers care because of drugs or something.

And they're all crammed into a little one bedroom apartment.

They were pretty cool at first. The alky and I would drink with the husband and his wife (She didn't drink, but she hung out) and things were really good and stuff. Then, one Thursday, the husband comes over and buys me a beer and we play some PS2 and his wife comes over too and checks her e-mail and plays Counter-Strike on my computer.

So we finish our beer and he asks his wife if he can get another beer (mind you, these are those 24 oz. malt liquors, so that's like 4 regular beers in one can and they're only $1.09, what a deal!!) and she says it ok, but no more.

Well, she goes home to check on the baby or something and the alky neighbor comes home and is like "oooh you're drinking a beer without me" and goes out and gets us all another beer. So when his wife comes home, she's PISSED and she's all like "I can't trust you" and he's like "yea, whatever" and then they argue and she leaves and comes back with a handful of clothes and says "Tell him that his clothes and his PS2 is outside!!" and then he leaves and I guess they argue all night.

So it's me and the alky just sitting there talking and then The Mother calls asking what the husband drank and what happened and did he do this and did he do that and I was like "look, I'm not getting involved" and then she hung up. So I finished my beer and the one he left and went to sleep.

Well, the next day, after work, I see the husband on the porch and he's not looking at me or anything and I tell him that he left his game and controller over here. He's all like "oh, don't worry" and he wouldn't look at me or anything. Later on that night, me and the alky started drinking outside like usual and nobody over there would talk to us. We shrugged it off like "oh well, they don't want to talk" and kept on drinking and hung out with some other neighbors (this guy knows everyone!).

Well, after we're good and drunk, the alky neighbor starts talking all this shit about them and starts throwing cans at their door. So I took that as a cue to go inside (everyone else left too) and I went to bed.

So the next morning I wake up and decide to walk to the little restaurant on the corner and get some tacos. While I'm walking, this car pulls up and the alky is in the passenger seat calling my name and he's like " Dutch, Dutch, that bitch called the cops on me and they took me to jail". He was all pissed and stuff because he was supposed to be at work that morning.

Long story short, he got fired ever since then they've hated eachother. The husband is still cool, but the rest of the family won't talk to either of us. The alky refers to them as "them crazy white folks" and " the false christians" and "that bitch" etc...

That was like Spetember or so. Since then, the alky went to the office and complained about them and said there's five people living there and they have a dog and two cats. The teenage daughter got into it with some New Orleans evacuees living upstairs. So they got a number of complaints for that and now they hardly leave the apartment anymore.

So it's pretty interesting around here. But not for long because they're all moving out. Management wouldn't let the crazy family renew their lease because of the complaints and lease violations. The alky got another job, but ended up quitting (or so he says) for some reason. Then he quits his afternoon job so now he just drinks most of the time and is starting to pawn all his stuff so he can eat and drink. He's planning on moving out in the next couple of weeks.

We'll see what happens....

The Toilet

Yesterday I noticed the water in the toilet was pretty low, so I took the lid off the back and noticed that a hose came loose. Simple solution, just plug the hose back in... well, as I'm reconnecting the hose, I hear a snap and that little contraption (see pic) starts making noise and shaking and then WHOOSH!!! The thing flies out of the toilet in and water starts shooting everywhere and I'm like "OH SHIT" as I'm getting soaked with water. So I try to turn the water off with that little valve and it just turns and turns and nothing happens."FUCK FUCK FUCK", I'm saying as my bathroom is flooding with water and somehow I get the water flow contained into the toilet and call maintenance.

So the maintenance guy calls me back and is like "So you have an clogged toilet?" and I try to explain whats going on and he tells me that it'll take him about 45 minutes to get here because he's not in the area. Then the alky neighbor and his friend come over and they're like "come and eat your tacos" (cause we just went and got some) and I'm like "Dude look what's going on!!" and he says "oh, well your foods going to get cold" and I'm like "godammit, I gotta take care of this!" and then he mentions something about me leaving my beer at his place and leaves.

So the maintenance guy finally knocks on the door and he's only got a plunger in his hand and I'm like "you're gonna need more than that" and he's like "well, lets see" (like I don't know what I'm talking about!) and before I can say anything, he takes the lid off the back and WHOOSH!!! he gets soaked with water!

Then he's like "OH WOW, this is serious" when he realizes that there's no way to turn off the water and runs off to get some more tools and turn off the water to the building. Once he got the water off he fixed it in a few minutes and called to have some carpet guys to clean up the water.

Afterwards I went and ate my cold tacos and drank some beer with the neighbors.

- When you learn to be flexible, amazing opportunities reveal themselves.......IN BED!!!